It was April 30th 2011 and I was standing with a glass of Champagne in my hand, raising a toast to my beautiful, new Wife. The day was perfect, celebrating with Freddie, our 8 month old son, our family and our friends.
We had just renovated our home and I was about to start a new job in a week or so’s time. My life, our life, was turning out to be a beautiful Fairy-tale.
It all started one morning, saying goodbye to Katherine and Freddie as I reversed out of the drive to the new job I’d started a few weeks before. I glanced over at them waving happily at me as I felt a lump in my throat, you know, that tight feeling in your Adam’s Apple you get when you are upset and fighting off tears. I did feel fine however and odd as it was, it subsided as I got a mile or so down the road.
It didn’t happen every day, just some. But then over a couple of weeks it reared its face more frequently and began to surface in my lunch breaks too, typically as I’d head back into the office from my walk. It must have started concerning me at this point as I remember bringing it up to Katherine but we hypothesised that there had been a lot of change and with an energetic, sleepless toddler, I was just tired. Besides which, I was a happy guy and this sort of thing wasn’t in my nature.
A few weeks into these episodes, the lump in my throat bought with it a terrible fear, like I was failing, being watched and fearing something. I experienced sudden bursts of adrenalin, cold sweats and a thumping heart for no reason at all. Questioning all my decisions became a never-ending mental cycle and I began second guessing everything I thought, saw and heard. I noticed every glance of a colleague and dreaded the ping of an incoming email, “will this be bad news? Have I done something wrong?”
When I’d arrive home, I was so pleased to be back, but I surely must have been absent from conversations and being a “present” husband and father with my mind racing like it was. I went inward, quiet…. that was until bedtime, which is when I needed to speak endlessly and ended up tossing and turning all night waking up exhausted! A life on hellish repeat for a while!
So, did it start getting better?
I stepped out of my Monday morning shower, grabbed my towel and remember reaching for my toothbrush and as my eyes met their own reflection in the mirror, I burst into uncontrollable tears. This led to a series of events, all of which are a blur really, that ended up with me being jobless. The Fairy-tale as I had dreamt, had well and truly turned into a nightmare.
Now it starts getting better….
This chapter in my life was my darkest, however, it spurred and was the catalyst to force me to change! As someone recently said to me, “A breakdown is a forced re-birth of the mind” and it truly was. I went on a journey of self-learning and discovery, yes there were blips along the way but I read, I watched I listened, to anything relating to spirituality, wellbeing, hypnosis, neuro-science, nutrition, exercise, sleep and rest, anything if it related to mind & body health, I consumed.
In November 2018, after a conversation with a good friend and colleague, who eloquently enabled me to realise I should stop talking and start doing, I signed up in areas that had helped me so much. Over a number of months I got qualified in NLP, Hypnotherapy and Timeline Therapy.
Shortly afterwards, Re-Evolution was born with the aim of helping incredibly busy people who feel “stuck” to move forward and love life again.